“Tinnitus changed my life, but it didn’t get to decide how my story ended” – Dan’s story

Dan shares his his tinnitus story, giving hope to people with tinnitus who don’t know where to turn, showing that you can live well with it.

My name is Dan, I’m 28 and soon to be 29. I was 22 when my tinnitus began.

I never really knew much about tinnitus before it happened to me. It started following an incident at the gym which led to me having brain scans. Afterwards, I began experiencing what I now understand as tinnitus. For me, it has never really been the classic ringing people often describe. It’s more of a vibration or sensation in my head, and the noise I hear is predominantly in my head, but if I lie on my side, I can hear it through my ears.

The first few years were incredibly difficult. I became frightened of making it worse and started avoiding things I had previously loved. I stopped going to the gym, became increasingly isolated and spent far too much time at home. I gained a significant amount of weight and, looking back, my world became very small. There were times when I genuinely wondered whether this was what my life was going to be like forever.

Something that sounds strange looking back is that I didn’t even search for support. I almost didn’t want to accept what was happening to me. I think part of me felt that if I didn’t acknowledge it, I wouldn’t have to accept that this was now part of my life. So I largely dealt with it on my own, which made the experience incredibly lonely.

I was also advised by ENT not to use headphones or headsets, which made me even more cautious about things that I thought could make my tinnitus worse. That caution gradually became fear, and for a long-time tinnitus felt like it was controlling my life.

One thing that remained incredibly important to me was fishing. I’ve been fishing since I was four, and I’m particularly passionate about carp fishing. But interestingly, when my tinnitus was at its worst, I initially thought carp fishing would be one of the worst things I could do. Sitting alone in a bivvy behind three rods, sometimes through the night, with no television, no headphones and no fan seemed like it would leave me completely exposed to the tinnitus.

Instead, it taught me something I hadn’t expected.

I started discovering how loud the world actually is.

The wind through the trees, water against the bank, birds, insects, rain hitting the bivvy and fish topping in the darkness. You just have to tune into it. I had spent so much time worrying about the noise inside my own head that fishing helped me start listening to the world around me again.

For me, fishing became a way of what I call redirecting my attention. The tinnitus was still there, but it wasn’t running the show. I could focus on the water, the weather, the carp, my rods and simply being outside.

Slowly, things started to change. There wasn’t one magical moment where my tinnitus disappeared. It didn’t. Instead, my relationship with it changed. I started getting more of my life back.

In March of this year, after all those years away, I took something back, I returned to the gym. I was nervous, but I went anyway. I’ve since become stronger, fitter and healthier, lost much of the weight I gained and even started running again. The person who once stopped going to the gym because of tinnitus is now back training, running 5Ks, fishing and getting stronger.

I still have bad days. I still get spikes, sometimes lasting days, some sticky around for weeks/months. But a bad tinnitus day is no longer a bad life. I can still go to work, go fishing, train, see people, make plans and enjoy myself even though I can hear it.

I have also recently discovered Tinnitus UK and the amazing work they do. I only recently realised that people can share their own stories, and that’s one of the reasons I’m sharing mine.

Because there are people out there now who are where I once was.

Someone who has just developed tinnitus. Someone who is frightened. Someone sitting at home wondering whether their life will ever feel normal again. Someone who, like me, may not even be ready to search for support yet.

I want them to know that they don’t have to go through it alone.

For me, tinnitus was incredibly lonely. I now know it doesn’t have to be.

If I could speak to the 22-year-old me, I’d tell him not to assume that the way he feels today is how he’ll feel forever. I would tell him that things can ease, that life can become bigger again, and that he doesn’t have to wait for the tinnitus to disappear before he starts living.

Has my tinnitus ever gone away?

No.

But am I in a place today that seven years ago I never thought possible?

Absolutely.

Tinnitus changed my life, but it didn’t get to decide how my story ended.

I still have tinnitus. I still have bad days and sometimes bad weeks or months, and that’s okay.. But I have my life back.

You can live well with tinnitus.

And if sharing my story gives even one person who is struggling a little bit of hope, then I’m glad I shared it.

“Never fear a storm, learn, to dance in the rain”.