“Creating art in nature helped ease my tinnitus”

My tinnitus started suddenly as the most debilitating symptom of a virus this spring which included ear infections and eustachian tube dysfunction.

Since the start of the pandemic, I’ve been unlucky enough to have Covid three times but this was far worse than anything I’d experienced so far. The result of the virus, the tinnitus, affected my physical and mental health so badly that it made me worry about my ability to continue my long-term career as a freelance self-employed artist and teacher.

“At its worst, when things were darkest and most desperate it made me want to harm myself as I tried anything to make it stop.” 

I felt helpless and isolated and unable to connect with the world outside my tinnitus and the high-pitched whistle became my unwanted and constant companion.

At its worst, when things were darkest and most desperate it made me want to harm myself as I tried anything to make it stop.

I became depressed and exhausted. I thought about giving up work and my world became black. My tinnitus was much worse driving the car or being indoors and I didn’t feel safe behind the wheel which meant that I couldn’t work in the classroom or with my regular adult groups indoors.

“I felt better just being outside gently working with my hands.”

As the weeks passed and I started to learn how to live with the symptoms and to partly adjust to being in another world and my practice as a land artist helped me greatly.

Land art is a form of environmental art where the artist makes things in nature from natural objects like stones, leaves, sticks, sand and snow. It’s not like other forms of art. It makes me more aware of the weather and more connected with my surroundings and the seasonal rhythms that repeat every year. Every week I learn something new about a particular tree or material.

Even with the disability of hearing loss, tinnitus, facial pain and nausea I felt better just being outside gently working with my hands. I think that since we are from nature, it makes sense that by getting to know nature better helps us to understand ourselves better too.

“I lose track of time when I’m immersed in making something by repeating a simple task of arranging twigs”

My art reinforces that connection for me and I lose track of time when I’m immersed in making something by repeating a simple task of arranging twigs on the woodland floor for example.

This first piece is titled ‘Tinnitus’ and feels loud, angry and stark and was made when my tinnitus was at its worst. The natural bright yellow colour is found under the bark of the common shrub, mahonia.

As things started to improve slightly I remember one particular day when the weather was mild and the sun was out and finally I could see a way forward. I made ‘Fizz’ from short sections of dried bracken stalks to celebrate and the arms of the design seem to reach out to the future.

After five weeks my tinnitus improved sufficiently for me to take some work and ‘Wishbones’ reminds me of the summer or the sun and how powerful hope can be.

Now, I’m back leading poetry, nature walks and land art sessions for schools and adults and for two mental health charities.

My experience with tinnitus has made me more aware of just how debilitating hidden conditions like tinnitus are and how beneficial and therapeutic our connection with nature and art can be for our mental health and wellbeing.